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I’ve always wanted to be someone who believed in affirmations — sticky notes on the mirror, speaking truth over myself, and magically flourishing into a new identity. But that’s never been the case for me.
Here’s what I’ve run into:
- They’re either way too cheesy to say out loud…
- Or they’re so over-spiritualized, they feel like homework just to memorize.
- They don’t meet you where you actually are.
Another big problem? I thought it was just me — like maybe I just didn’t believe the words enough, so they didn’t work. That left me discouraged, and I stopped trying altogether.
But then I found something deeper.
I recently learned how our brains actually work — and turns out, the awkward feeling of dread or disbelief you get when saying affirmations out loud is not just in your head. There’s real science behind it.
Let’s get a little nerdy for a second — this part is super important — and I promise to break it down in mom terms.
Your Brain Is Like a Forest
Your brain is full of neurological pathways — aka, mental trails formed by the thoughts you think repeatedly. You can imagine your brain as a big forest. Every time you think something like, “I’m not enough,” or “I’m a bad mom,” you’re walking the same trail over and over again. Eventually, that path gets super clear, fast, and automatic. It becomes a shortcut — a neural habit.
So when you try to introduce a new thought like “I’m calm” or “I’m a good mom,” your brain looks at that overgrown, unfamiliar path and says,
“Ugh. Too much work. Back to the shortcut.”
It’s not that you don’t believe it — it’s just that your brain doesn’t recognize it yet. And your brain loves what it knows. It chooses the well-worn trail every time because it feels safe there.
Meet Your Brain’s Bouncer: R.A.S.
Here’s another twist you might not know about: your Reticular Activating System (RAS).
The RAS is like a bouncer at a busy nightclub — and that nightclub is your brain. The RAS controls what information is allowed in and what gets turned away. Its job is to keep your brain from getting overloaded and to prioritize what it already believes to be true.
So if thoughts like “I never do enough” or “I’m failing” have been regulars for years, the bouncer knows them by name. He’s like,
“Oh hey, you again! Come on in.”
But then one day, you try to show up with a dazzling new affirmation:
“I am thriving and calm.”
The bouncer looks at you, squints, and says:
“Who are you? You’re not on the list.”
Denied.
He’s not trying to be rude — he’s just doing his job. He protects your brain from unfamiliar information that doesn’t match what it already believes.
How to Get Your New Thoughts On the Guest List
If you want that new affirmation to get past the bouncer, here’s what you need to do:
1. Introduce It Slowly
Don’t barge into the club screaming, “I AM CALM!” while your toddler throws goldfish across the room. That’s just going to freak everybody out (including your brain).
Instead, start gently:
- “I’m learning to be calm.”
- “I want to feel more peace.”
Now you’re having a respectful conversation with the bouncer instead of trying to shove him aside.
2. Create Safety First
Before your brain can accept new thoughts, it needs to feel safe.
Try this:
- Take a deep breath.
- Put your hand on your heart.
- Say something like, “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’m doing my best.”
This tells your brain you’re not in danger — which opens the door for change.
3. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
Repetition builds recognition. The more often you bring your new affirmation to the club, the more familiar it becomes.
- Say it out loud every day.
- Write it down.
- Think about it when you’re brushing your teeth or washing dishes.
Eventually, the bouncer will be like,
“Oh yeah, you again. Come on in.”
4. Pair Affirmations With Emotion
Your brain loves emotional connections. So when you say a new affirmation, try to feel it, too.
- Think of a moment when you did feel calm.
- Or when you felt like a good mom, even just for a second.
Tie that feeling to your new thought. Now it’s not just words — it’s a lived memory.
5. Be Patient and Kind
Your brain isn’t working against you — it’s just cautious.
So don’t get discouraged if affirmations feel fake at first.
They’re supposed to!
You’re building a brand-new path in the forest, remember?
Let Scripture In, Too
Once you get the hang of it, try this with God’s Word.
Take those beautiful, true promises and start introducing them gently — the same way. Let them feel safe. Let them sink in. Let them live.
This is what it means to renew your mind.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
— Romans 12:2
So hang in there, mama. One day, your brain’s bouncer will have to reprint the whole guest list — and those old, destructive thoughts will be the ones denied at the door.
And you?
You’ll walk right in like you belong there.
Because you do.
